NANCY AND ME

During the early mornings before everyone else's rises..I often get up and put on the classic movie channel and watch all the old classic film stars do their thing...I often do this while I am applying my makeup...and every so often I will see a film I never saw before and get intrigued by...such was the case this past Tuesday...when I saw the movie SID AND NANCY, it was the first time I saw this movie all they way through, I've seen small clips in the past...but I watched it all the way through this time. Start to finish..

All I really knew of Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen was that he was a member of one of Kurt Cobain's (my musical hero...) favorite bands The Sex Pistols and Nancy was his girlfriend...I also knew Sid supposedly killed Nancy...but that is all I really knew...So I watch this movie which so intrigued me that I took a trip to the library yesterday in search of my information on the punk duo...and to my surprise I found a well-worn paperback called "And I don't want to live this life," the book her mother had written after Nancy's death. The cover was a photo of Nancy at the height of her Punk notoreity, her eye makeup inky and exquisite, her expression blank as a model's except for the defiant set of her dark painted mouth.

The book was about what a troubled kid Nancy had been-a hellion with a freakishly high IQ and a whole spat of drug and pyschological problems, who was kicked out of school after school and whose family let her move to New York when she was only seventeen, just so they could be free from her spectacular room-trashing tantrums. Now this was a girl who could get her way....I pored over the photos facinated at the transformations Nancy had made, from suburban girl with akward school portraits to the bleach-blond punk princess on the book's cover and then finally, to obituary.

Of course, as a woman of my age knows, I shouldn't be idealizing a dead girl who'd been mentally ill and on herion..but I've been devouring every girl gone crazy chronicle I can find..it's my favorite kind of fiction, from Sybil to The Bell Jar(sylvia plath...one of my favorite author's ever) to I never promised you a rose garden to Bastard Out Of Carolina...and so on...they are stories about girls who feel wildly out of sync with the world who got to yell and scream and punch and kick and who quit being good( a desire I have often felt myself but never acted on)..I know I'm not like Nancy but something about her feels like the truth. For all her wild druggy exploits the thing that sticks with me the most was the caption accompanying a photo of a teenage Nancy, vamping it up for the camera in a sweater and ski pants, " she wore the outfit once and then threw it away," wrote her mother bitterly.

So I watched this movie even though on screen Nancy screeched and bawled and was hooked on smack, and was really just the girlfriend everyone hated..and even though I knew about Nancy and how she was, somehow this Nancy in the movie was not the Nancy I knew. I saw the movie a second time just to make sure it was still sad when Nancy died in the end, and it was. And I was driving home from the library yesterday I wondered what else I could be if I didn't want to be a "good" daughter, or bad girlfriend or dead. And then it kinda dawned on me...there are so many things I wore and then wanted to throw away....~~~~~~~~~the SUSHI CHICK~~~~~~~~~~~~!

NEW YEAR...SAME SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!

X-mas was okay...I hope yours was good also...I'm sure yours was alot more fun being around children..usually it is..It's not been the happiest times of my life though..but hey it's the new year right so I'm trying to look forward...I miss you alot too...I've had to adjust to not getting my daily dose of david-isms...so that kinda sucks...as far as Miko it's going alright I guess..he's away right now...he went to Japan with his band..so he's been gone for the past three weeks...I was hoping he would get back before New Years but doesn't look like it...

But he's a musician so I guess I better get used to him leaving..me alone...I knew what I was getting when I met him so...it's a bummer but I'll deal...

Anyway, I hope you have a Awesome New Years,...mine is gonna suck for the obvious reasons...but hey I'm sure happy times will be here again soon...be well...keep in touch...:)

.....................................................the SUSHI CHICK~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MY BOYFRIENDS BACK

hey, I tried to respond earlier in the week..but for some reason my email won't let me email you back..so I thought maybe this would work...anyway, yep outta minutes that's why I haven't texted you..lately. I'm alright I guess for a unemployed quasi-loser girl..I know, I know you hate when I talk like that....I got some sad news this week..my aunt, the one my sister is named after has lung cancer...on my mother's side. It's terrible...my mother's other sister just died last year ...last october to be exact of bone cancer..and now another sister..I feel so horrible for mommy right now..I can't imagine how difficult this is for her...anyway,, so I've been a bit down this week..miko helps though..he's been feeding me big italian and japenese meals lately...bless his heart...

I keep telling him he is going to make me fat again...he kinda wants me to gain a bit more weight..he thinks I've gotten too thin for his taste anyway, so he is determine to put some weight on me before years end. lol...it shouldn't take long...by what he keeps cooking for me...haha. and I've got to admit I've been really enjoying my sushi meals....I LOVVVVE SUSHI!!!!...miko calls me sushi chick...hence the name of my blog....cause that was our first date..he took me to a sushi bar in columbus...I never ate sushi ....I didn't realize what I was missing....

So if you ever take me on a date...it's SUSHI!!!!!!!!!~~~~~LOL. Oh, my car is gonna be repossed like any day now...so my life kinda sucks right now ...except for miko..and your surprising email...I was happy to get it by the way...you gotta email me more...pleeeeeezzzzzze!!!

So do me a favor and tell shari I haven't forgot about the money I owe her...it's just taking me a little while to come up with it...but I will get it to her before long...I just want her to know ...i'm not screwing her outta her money...thanks..

So enough about me,, what about my favorite boy? what's been up with you lately?....how you been? I wanted to wish you a happy thanksgiving..I'm assuming you had a good one...how was black friday anyway? is cruella de ville still twisting in the wind? and fucking everything up? and has she learned to use a jack yet? lmao!!!

ttyl..~~~Don't be a stranger......................