MY BOYFRIENDS BACK

hey, I tried to respond earlier in the week..but for some reason my email won't let me email you back..so I thought maybe this would work...anyway, yep outta minutes that's why I haven't texted you..lately. I'm alright I guess for a unemployed quasi-loser girl..I know, I know you hate when I talk like that....I got some sad news this week..my aunt, the one my sister is named after has lung cancer...on my mother's side. It's terrible...my mother's other sister just died last year ...last october to be exact of bone cancer..and now another sister..I feel so horrible for mommy right now..I can't imagine how difficult this is for her...anyway,, so I've been a bit down this week..miko helps though..he's been feeding me big italian and japenese meals lately...bless his heart...

I keep telling him he is going to make me fat again...he kinda wants me to gain a bit more weight..he thinks I've gotten too thin for his taste anyway, so he is determine to put some weight on me before years end. lol...it shouldn't take long...by what he keeps cooking for me...haha. and I've got to admit I've been really enjoying my sushi meals....I LOVVVVE SUSHI!!!!...miko calls me sushi chick...hence the name of my blog....cause that was our first date..he took me to a sushi bar in columbus...I never ate sushi ....I didn't realize what I was missing....

So if you ever take me on a date...it's SUSHI!!!!!!!!!~~~~~LOL. Oh, my car is gonna be repossed like any day now...so my life kinda sucks right now ...except for miko..and your surprising email...I was happy to get it by the way...you gotta email me more...pleeeeeezzzzzze!!!

So do me a favor and tell shari I haven't forgot about the money I owe her...it's just taking me a little while to come up with it...but I will get it to her before long...I just want her to know ...i'm not screwing her outta her money...thanks..

So enough about me,, what about my favorite boy? what's been up with you lately?....how you been? I wanted to wish you a happy thanksgiving..I'm assuming you had a good one...how was black friday anyway? is cruella de ville still twisting in the wind? and fucking everything up? and has she learned to use a jack yet? lmao!!!

ttyl..~~~Don't be a stranger......................

"THE FUCK-IT DIET"

Over the course of the past year I have lost a little bit of weight, and people always ask me about it now..so I thought I would make a attempt to explain myself a little bit...I've been on a diet off and on since I was ten years old..that was my first self awareness that I remember..that there was something "wrong" with me..why else would I be put on a diet at that age..when I should have been focused on my dolls..instead I was focused on my diet...

So anyway over the past fifteen years or so...I did my research and became at times quite disciplined at losing weight...and gaining by the way..you can always tell when I'm happy in my life and when I'm not...I'm always thinner when things are going well..and not so much when I'm upset. So last year when my birthday rolled around I decided to go on the "fuck you-fuck it " diet...what happen was I got sick and tired of dieting and I was sick and tired of thinking about food and not thinking about food..so I said to myself..."fuck it..seriously fuck it fuck it fuck it" !!!!

I altogether lost the thought process that carried me through most of my life. my dieting. And I started thinking about the people I love, hated, tolerated, laughed at, laughed with. And suddendly there was a lot of time and space in my head for me to do the things I love..like reading, and writing..and watching old classic movies..and focusing on photography...and who I loved or didn't love at that particular moment...and days turned into nights and nights turned into weeks and weeks into months...and so on...

I started to eat what I wanted..not a food vacation-or a respite..between diets...but I was gonna eat eat eat whatever I wanted and keep on eating.....Then I started to get weirdly thinner. I get it now..now that I don't care about food...and now that I eat to live and not live to eat...now I don't need to eat the whole cake at on sitting because I can have cake whenever I want it..it has no power anymore,..it's not eat it now and never again...it'll be there tommorow or the next week if my taste decides to go there....

When I'm hungry I eat ...that is what the "weird fuck it " diet is...since the food isn't "forbidden" anymore...and I don't feel like oh...This is the LAST slice of pizza I'll ever eat...I better eat the whole box....I tend to eat only til I'm full and yes I almost never clean my whole plate now...imagine that...this is what I do...consciously though...I never eat leftovers, I never take anything home from restraunts. I never eat when I'm not hungry. I never let myself get too hungry..I never deny myself a fucking thing because I've denied myself enough for 1000 lifetimes and what I've learned denial is not any way to live...I deserve all the mozerella sticks, all the chocolate, all the fucking pizza...and I deserve to leave what I don't finish on the plate..

So there you go..Big secret diet. Love. Love and the audacity to actually waste food..Not entirely waste it...any of you can have it if you so wish too............~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CLARA BOW'S ROCKIN DESSERT....OLD SCHOOL!!!

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I WANT MY S-A-S-S-Y!!!!!!

I still remember my first issue of Sassy Magazine. It was the spring of 7th grade, the April 92' issue, had my favorite boy genius Kurt Cobain with my favorite kinder whore Courtney on the cover..I remember I had a bad case of Strep throat at that time and my wonderful mother went out and bought some of my favorite things like jello pudding and the current issue of my pop culture bible Sassy..to make me feel better.

I read it cover to cover. It was the first magazine I'd read cover to cover something I do often now, though it's difficult to find orginal and authentic writing these days.. I quickly subscribed to Sassy after that issue, becoming absoulutely fanatical about the magazine...I lovvvved Cristina Kelly's writing style something I still try to copy in my own writing til this day...and don't come close...

Sassy magazine really gave me a sense of myself in junior high school. I'd turn to those writers and editors for support when the boys in my language arts class would make fun of me for wearing a big tweed coat with a short purple skirt and green tights, I knew I was slick...but I needed sassy to remind me..why I was the kool one and they were the losers....I mean, they didn't even know who Thurnston Moore or Kim Gordon were...a crime in koolness to me...

I loved Sassy so much and learned from it, I learned about the Pixies and Sonic Youth and Huggy Bear And Bikini Kill from it. I learned about the DIY zine culture of the 1990s...I fantasized in those days about growing up and one day getting published in Sassy myself...I could see myself reading Sassy even into my adulthood...whether it was aimed at me or not...

But Sassy closed shop in December of 1994, it was bought out by teen magazine, a fluffed out dumbed down teen magazine...and I quickly cancelled my subscription. I mourned, for the loss of my most reliable companion of the month. By junior year, I discovered another underground magazine I could get behind, called "ben is dead"....

Reading Sassy was wonderful. It was formative it was a major part of my life from seventh to tenth grade. But I often wonder if I would have seeked out more underground magazine like Ben Is Dead and Bitch, had it not been for the death of my beloved Sassy....In any case, I hold the memories dear, and still light up when I run across the writings of one of the former writers or editors....okay, the rest is my memories not the New York Posts......:)